College Parent Central Podcast
You don’t stop parenting the day you drop your student off to college on Move-in Day. Your role simply changes. (Actually, it’s not simple at all, but it changes.) You’re a parent for life. Join Lynn Abrahams and Vicki Nelson, higher education professionals and former college parents, as they explore the topics that can help you be a more effective and supportive parent to your college bound student. Whether you already have a child in college, college is still a year or more away, or your student is about to step out, start now to gather the information that empowers you to be an effective college success coach to your student.
College Parent Central Podcast
#139 - Don't Overlook These College Prep Tasks as the Summer Winds Down
Summer may be waning, but college prep for soon-to-be new college students is ramping up. Vicki and Elizabeth sat down to record a late summer pre-college episode to let parents know some of the things they shouldn’t bother about at this late date and some of the things that should still get done. It’s important to know the difference. We quickly realized that although there were a few “don’t bother” items, the list of things to make sure you cover was significantly longer. This episode will help you sort out the things you can let go from the “must do” tasks. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself with many items already checked off your list, but if not, now is the time to get busy.
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Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast. Whether your child is just beginning the college admission process or is already in college, this podcast is for you. You'll find food for thought and information about college and about navigating that delicate balance of guidance, involvement and knowing when to get out of the way. Join your hosts as they share support and a celebration of the amazing experience of having a child in college.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast. This is the place where we talk about all kinds of things that have to do with being the parent of a student who is getting ready to go to college, who is in college. Sometimes we even touch on what happens after college. My name is Vicki Nelson. I am one of the co-hosts of this podcast. I come to this topic from two points of view. I am a college professor of communication, and so I work with college students every single day, and I have worked in advising and worked with students and parents in that respect. And then, probably even more important, I am the parent of three daughters who have all gone to college and they have graduated from college and we've survived the experience. So I look at this from a couple of points of view, and I am here with one of our co-hosts today, and I'm going to let her introduce herself.
Speaker 3:Thanks, vicki. I am Elizabeth Hamblin. I am a learning disability specialist at a college's disability services office, a speaker and a writer. I am the author of Seven Steps to College Success and I am the parent of two college graduates of very different stripes one art school graduate and one engineering school graduate.
Speaker 2:So we have it all.
Speaker 3:We covered the range.
Speaker 2:We look at this topic from all kinds of angles and sometimes we're very happy to have guests here with us and to interview them, and we always learn so much from them. And then sometimes we seem to just have a topic that pops up that, as people who work in this field, we start talking about and then say you know what? That should be a podcast episode. And I think that's what we've got today, something that we just want to toss around a little bit. This episode is coming out in August, early-ish in August, although it doesn't matter whenever you happen to be listening to it.
Speaker 2:But what we were thinking about is okay, at that point in the summer, it's getting pretty close to time for students to head off to school in a couple of weeks or a few weeks, and I remember, you know, that's when I really started to panic and say, oh, my goodness, what has to happen between now and the time I take you on move-in day?
Speaker 2:So we wanted to look at that and originally we thought, okay, let's split things up and say what are the things that by the time it's August, we say you know, just don't bother, you know it's water under the bridge, just don't bother. And what are the things that we say okay, there's still time, you need to do that. And one of the things I think we both discovered as we did that was the list of don't bother is pretty short Because there's still. You know, even if all you have is a week or two, there's still a lot you can do. It might be a little crazier than if you had started earlier, but there's not a lot that we would say don't bother. So let's start with that list.
Speaker 3:I was going to say, and Vicki. But even though it's a short list, I think it's important for parents to hear from those of us who've been there and through, because there's so much pressure on this and there's a lot of excitement about it, and you know's a lot of excitement about it and you know, a lot of us want to be like the great parent who does everything right and, first of all, accept the fact that you will not and even if you Doesn't exist, even if you did, your kids wouldn't recognize it or give you credit for it, and I think so, you know. And social media will certainly get you wound up about all of the things and my gosh, it's July. Whatever you haven't done, fill in the blank, and it's easy to feel like an inadequate parent or a parent who's behind, and so you know, I'm hoping that, though brief, this list will make a few people breathe a little more easily.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Take a breath, yeah Okay, will make a few people breathe a little more easily. Take a breath, yeah, okay. So the first thing I thought of when I was sort of brainstorming this was the dorm room shopping. There is such focus I don't know what people do now that Bed, bath, beyond is not in business anymore but you get the list of you've got to have this and you've got to have that and you've got to have that and it's got to look perfect and all of that, and that's fine and it's fun to do some of that shopping.
Speaker 2:But if you haven't done it, you know again, take a breath, because there's online shopping. Once your student is there, there are probably a store or two wherever your student is going to be. Nobody is away from anything and sometimes it actually makes sense to wait and see what the room is going to look like, see what your roommate brings, see what you feel you need and what you don't. So if you haven't done a lot of dorm shopping by now, you know, give that a little rest and don't spend your time running around to do that. And the second thing is I would say, don't try to cram in all the advice you think you need to give your student ever, because it's going to be overwhelmed and you know, okay, you got to remember this and you got to do this and don't do that.
Speaker 2:And here's my wisdom and all of that, dole it out in little bits. If you haven't talked about it by now in some ways, just take the pressure off. They're not going to hear everything you say anyway. And kind of along with that, don't try to cram all the fun. I've got to cram all the fun activities in before they leave. We've got to do this together. We've got to do that together. We've got to spend all of this quality time before they go, because they also they also want to be with their friends, right, and they also need time with their friends. And so if there are some things you didn't get to do, there will be breaks, there will be family weekend, there will be other summers and there will be times. So not trying to do it all.
Speaker 3:And you know this is a common phrase among parents of college-going students. You know, this is the time of year that they're soiling the nest, so to speak. Yes, yes. They want as much distance as possible. Some of them and everything is an eye roll because they're getting ready to move on to their adult life and they kind of can't wait to get there. So the more we're trying to suggest things to them, probably the less open they'll be.
Speaker 2:And I think it's really important that you say that, elizabeth, because it's really a relief to a lot of parents to hear that that's normal, oh gosh, yeah. Lot of parents to hear that that's normal, oh gosh, yeah. You know, I did a workshop at orientation one summer and it was probably mid July somewhere around there, and we talked about this and you know that that and and a parent came up to me afterward and said I am so glad you said that it's like. It's like I have a changeling. My daughter and I never fought before and we're fighting all summer and it was really a relief for her to hear that that is really a normal thing, testing those limits and kind of it's a way to make the leaving easier for everybody, even though it's unconscious.
Speaker 2:So so that's important. I have two more quick ones For everybody, even though it's unconscious. So that's important. I have two more quick ones and one is don't worry about packing, because maybe your student is one of those who has lists and has carefully packed everything and maybe practiced packed to see that everything fits and all of that. But chances are better that packing is going to happen the night before you leave, and often with one big trash bag that everything gets shoved into.
Speaker 2:There's something about the packing that makes the experience real and the students all over the country are procrastinating and putting it off and putting it off, and moms and dads are oh, you've got to get organized, you've got to get packed, and they'll do it, and they will forget some things and you will either send them to them, or they will buy new ones, or you'll take them at family weekend, or they'll do without. Will buy new ones, or you'll take them at family weekend, or they'll do without. So you know, relax on the packing. I mean it was the same with all three of my girls and they're very different personalities, but the waiting on packing was there. And the last one, I think, is a really important one, and that is at this point, asking your students for their passwords to their portal, to their email. You know, just so I can check and make sure you haven't missed something. And you know, and that's not really for me, that's not really even a it's not too late, it's don't ever do it, don't ask for their passwords Controversial.
Speaker 3:take Becky.
Speaker 2:Well, I really think don't ask for their passwords. Talk about why you want their passwords and why you're not asking them for them so that they have an opportunity to try on their own to be responsible for checking their email and things may get missed. But if you think of the bigger goal, which is for your student to learn independence and responsibility and to feel in adult charge of their life, it really negates that. When you say and give me your password so that I can check, that really I think sends the message of I don't trust that you're going to be able to do this.
Speaker 3:And, to be honest, if that's really how you feel, you know it might be time to think about whether your student is ready. I know you guys are, you know, buying and packing and have made the deposit, but if your student is not going to be able to manage themselves at all without you being in their email, that to me is a red flag. And.
Speaker 3:I know here. You know I'm a learning disability specialist and I know some parents say, well, I'm doing this to help them. There are different ways to approach that too. Now, first of all, I do want to mention that at some schools, sharing your passwords with anybody, including your parents, is a violation of the technology code and it can get your student in trouble. So that's the first thing to consider. And then the second is there are ways to help your student with their email without you taking it over.
Speaker 3:And you know, students mature at different times and rates and it may be you know an issue for your student and you think that they can handle other things. But one of the things you could do is, once a week, you guys get on Zoom and you look at the email with them and you suggest to them ways to filter. You know I, as a college learning disability specialist, I'm always telling my students please unsubscribe from all of these lists. If you want to buy again from whatever store you just bought something from, they'll send you 15% off, but it will just. You know, part of email management is just eliminating all that clutter, so I don't want to spend too much time on that. But I think, and you guys have a wonderful episode on communication with your college student. So while we're saying don't bother, do bother listening to that episode, because that can be part of the communication too. Is you know how?
Speaker 3:often are you guys going to be in touch and can you talk about the email as part of that?
Speaker 2:And we can put that in the show notes so people can find that. But yeah, it's not that you totally ignore the topic, but you talk about it instead of saying give me those passwords. So think about that. Now comes the list of what there's still time to do but you need to focus on. So we have a few things that we've thought of and they're kind of in random order and you know, just hopefully you'll listen to this list and say, oh, already done, oh, already done. And then there might be a couple um that you haven't thought about. So um, one that I have um is to have your student check their schedule.
Speaker 2:Chances are they have a schedule by now. Not everywhere. Every school does it differently and it may be that they won't get a schedule, a class schedule, until they get to school. It may be they'll make their own schedule when they get to school or made their own schedule over the summer. But whatever it is, this is a good time to check to see that it's done, if it's supposed to be, and do they have the correct classes that they thought they should take? Do they have anything that's a prerequisite for something that they want to take in the future If they're an athlete, check that the schedule doesn't conflict with practices. Usually, coaches send the information to their team. You know we're going to practice every afternoon at three o'clock or practices are going to be in the evening and they want to check that, or theater rehearsals or music rehearsals. You know, if you have a class that meets Tuesday and Thursday at seven o'clock and the play rehearses every evening, that's a problem. So this is a good, good opportunity to check their schedule.
Speaker 3:I, like him, have that schedule of classes. It can be really useful to your student if they're open to this with you to set up a weekly schedule for them to follow. So you know, one of the biggest challenges and changes once your students get to college is they only have to be in classes 12 to 15 hours a week. Now it often works out well for the athletes and the students who are in, you know, performances that have rehearsals, students who work. It imposes structure on their time, and so, if that is not something that's true for your student trying to create a routine for them to follow and so we'll put the link in the show notes to the page on my website, there are lots of free tools for students and you can check those all out. That would be also a good thing to try and do right now is look at what's there, but this one kind of walks them through thinking about a schedule.
Speaker 3:Are there things they want to make sure they do every week? You know they won't know how many hours a week they need to study, and so, um, I we just start with six hours a week spent per class on readings and responses and whatever it is, and the whole idea is that that will change as they see how things are going, um, but it just gives them a starting point to not you know sort of flounder. When they get there, they go to class. Nothing's really quote, unquote, due like read this before next week. And I, you know, I see a lot of students where they don't know what, where the time went from week to week because they haven't structured it, and so all they know is they haven't done the readings for class, or they're finishing the work at the last minute, but they can't even account for what they did the rest of the time. So that's one thing to think about. And so also, yes, please, I'm going to jump in, yeah.
Speaker 2:I want you to, Because I really think that is important information. Two things about the schedule, and one you mentioned, but you just kind of passed over it, and that is you know we start with six hours a week per class in terms of study time. When I say that to my students my first year students they are shocked, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 2:Because they are used to doing most of their work in high school, at school, wow. And then spending, you know, maybe a couple of hours in the evening on schoolwork for all of their subjects. And so when I say, you know, the full rule of thumb is for every hour you spend in class, you should be spending two hours outside, and that means about six hours per subject per week. They're shocked, wow. So that conversation is really important.
Speaker 2:And then the idea of even though you don't know exactly how much time it's going to take you blocking out the time, because they tend to look at a schedule of you know, here are my classes and here are my athletic practices, or here's my my on my on campus job, and you block that out, but then studying will happen when I have a chance Right, rather than saying, oh look, I have a two hour block in the morning between classes. I'm going to mark that for study time or or whatever. So what you're talking about? Creating a kind of a block schedule that may change Right, and that's At least it gives you a starting point.
Speaker 2:It's so important.
Speaker 3:I think it's just a way of thinking about it. And two, because a lot of my students aren't booked up every moment of every day, although I do have some of those students. It allows for some preferences. So, do you know, do you want to? If you don't have class until one, what time are you? And you know, realistically, what time do you really get up? Are you getting up at 12 for your one o'clock class? Okay, that means you know you're probably staying up till two. That's also good. Are you effective from 11 to one? You know you do some of the studying then. So it's engaging them and thinking about their preferences. You know, do you want to have one day of the weekend that you don't do any work? That's great. But then that 24 hours we're talking about for four classes needs to be scheduled in the other way. So there's freedom in it. But just having a starting point of knowing every Tuesday, from two to four, I'm going to library and I'm going to work on the chemistry. It's counterintuitive, but scheduling and routine allows for flexibility.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the choices.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So while we're talking about this, they may not want to do this with you and the choices. And some parents talk about schools now having academic coaches, some upperclassmen who might meet with your student once a week or once a month or whatever it is, to kind of check in with them and see how they're doing. There may be workshops on time management and organization and note taking. My disability specialist had. You know, for parents of students with disabilities who are used to having those kinds of things available through, you know, the office in charge of disability services. A lot of offices don't do those things because they're not required to. We don't have learning disability specialists at a lot of schools so that function might be filled by the tutoring center, the counseling center, the academic dean's office, whatever it is. So just because it doesn't exist through our office doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Let's talk about the counseling center and nobody wants to think that their kid is going to need some help. But everything is an adjustment. Everything is an adjustment and I was just listening to our friend Jill Grimes, the college doc, in conversation with Harlan Cullen, another one of our wonderful friends, about the fact that you know this stuff is there for a reason and that you encourage your students to not to wait until it's an emergency. You know, make sure they understand how long it might take to get an appointment, how they get an appointment and what tutoring is there. Is there a generic tutoring center? Are there specialized help rooms for math and science particularly? You've seen, if there's a writing center, do you have to make an appointment or is it only drop-in so at least your students will go in knowing who they can go to if they, you know, find that they need it?
Speaker 3:And, you know, emphasize and normalize the idea that we wouldn't have these things if we didn't think students needed them. You know, a number of students have done really well in high school and they've never needed any help, and it can be a real identity issue for them to be in a position because, you know, often they have now, you know, surrounded themselves with students kind of at the same academic level as themselves and they're not standing out and things are meant to be challenging. The common phrase in our field is this is not grade 13. And so normalize the fact that a lot of students struggle. Those who seek help tend to be more successful because they've at least acknowledged that I am. If they have access, already get into what's either called the learning management system, the LMS or what's the other word Course management system thing, cms. They have different brand names, blackboard or Canvas or whatever, and you know, sit down with a student, poke around, see if you can figure out. Have the professors loaded the syllabi, yet Expect those to change. Sorry, professor Nelson, not yours, not yours.
Speaker 2:Oh, I put tentative in capital letters at the top of my syllabus.
Speaker 3:But just also to get them comfortable with looking around, seeing all the different places where stuff could be, you know, so to speak, hiding. You know things that aren't obvious when you get on a website, and so those are just are there to kind of ease that transition, make them hopefully feel a little bit more comfortable and informed when they get there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so important. I see students floundering in those first few weeks.
Speaker 2:And you know, many of us as professors tend to just assume they're going to what's clear and how to do that, so that everything isn't brand new. There are some things you're not going to be able to prepare for, that you'll get to campus and get hit in the face with something that you hadn't anticipated. But anything that you can takes one more thing off your plate of something brand new that you have to learn. So also, you know we're talking about a lot of things that students need to do, as I, you know, sort of thought about this list. I realized a lot of it is have your student do this, have your student do this.
Speaker 2:But parents can also think about what are the conversations that they really want to have. Elizabeth, you mentioned our you know our podcast episode on communication and that's important. But sort of what are the what's the bottom line of the issues that you feel you need to talk to your student about before they go, and if you can think about that in early August rather than the night before they go, and you suddenly need to do that, but also really thinking about what are the important ones and what could wait or whatnot, so that you're not you're having lots of good conversations with your student during this month, but not too many and filtering them out a little bit because they're overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:And so you know what are the things we really need to talk about and it's very personal, you know. But you might talk about how are we going to communicate and how much are we going to communicate. You know, are we going to talk on the phone once a about how are we going to communicate and how much are we going to communicate? You know, are we going to talk on the phone once a week? Are we going to text five times a day? There's no right or wrong, but making sure you're on the same wavelength is important. Talking about FERPA the Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act and we've got podcast episodes oh, family, family educational rights, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's federal family.
Speaker 3:I don't know it's Family Educational Rights Privacy Act. Okay, but it is a federal thing. It is indeed.
Speaker 2:That's where I got that. Just call it FERPA. We've got articles and podcasts on that, so you know we'll link to those and not get into it here. But you know, have the conversations, that of the things that really matter, and don't wait until the last minute for those.
Speaker 3:You know I'm thinking, as we're talking about communication too. I think in my head I'm always thinking about parents, you know, trying to wanting to reach out to students and you know be often involved with them. But there are some students where situations where it's the reverse, where the student is constantly texting the parent, and I think you guys have talked about that too. You know you may want to set some expectations for you know and reassurances. I know you can do this, you know, and I think you're going to be great and I want you to handle some things, and so you know I'm going to respond to you after I get home from work, and so you just need to know that.
Speaker 2:So you know, and that goes along with your, your list of of finding supports on campus. Yeah, so sometimes it's. You know I'm not going to text home because I know I've I've got somewhere on campus that I can go and get some support.
Speaker 3:You know, and you know me, all this stuff that we're talking about. If you are a parent of a student who isn't headed to college imminently but is still in high school, there are lots of implications here for what you could be doing with your student while they're still in high school. If you want to feel good about them going off and you want them to feel good, think about places where you are doing things for them, rather than showing them how to do it and then letting them go forth and make a couple of mistakes and figure some things out.
Speaker 2:I can link in the show notes. We actually have an e-book on tips for using that senior year to get ready, so we'll link to that too. But there are some things that everybody should really get on, and I know you were thinking in terms of housing accommodations.
Speaker 3:So this is so. Forgive me, folks, because I'm going to put on my disability specialist hat here for a minute and speak to these families. Something that I see in a lot of Facebook groups is parents saying you know, my student really would benefit from having a single room based on their disability. There is limited housing at a lot of colleges not all of them and so for some schools there will be a limit to how many singles they are able to approve and this is, by the way, neither legal nor medical advice. You know they essentially have to. If they decide it is the only way to accommodate a student in housing, they will have to provide them with a single. But what that means is who qualifies for a single may vary. And all of this is also to say that, because those conversations are so complicated, the sooner your student makes the request, the more likely that they will at least be in that conversation. So now is the time. Now as far as other kinds of accommodations, so academic accommodations, obviously don't kick in until your student is starting classes. However, it can be a really good idea for them to get registered with their disability services offices now, and that way, day one when classes begin, they'll be set. Some of my colleagues prefer to have this happen closer to the start of the semester, so the only thing you could do right now is at least look online together with your students, see what they say about disability registration, disability services registration, and follow along with whatever they say. Now be aware if your student wrote about their disability in their application to the college, that does not mean they are registered and that information hasn't been shared with our office. So there is a process to follow and your student must follow it.
Speaker 3:Now, speaking of independence and self-advocacy, some of your students are not going to want to register with our office right now. They want to start college and see how it goes. The research talks about a lot of reasons they don't register with us At first. I want to reassure you that there is no deadline. If they don't do it before they start classes, or they don't do it before midterms, or they don't do it before finals, there is no restriction on when they can register. What happens once they register is a whole other conversation, and you can read my book to learn more about that. But it's not that if they don't do it now, they can never. So have that reassurance, and it's a good time to talk to them about you know why you think they should make sure they have the self-awareness to do that, to register with us. They understand they have all the documents that they need.
Speaker 2:All right, I could go on for too long, so um and and you know, I often have students because if they need an accommodation for class, then I get a letter. They they need to give me a letter, um, and sometimes it's they get extended time on an exam or they they are allowed to use a laptop to take notes and whatever that impacts the classroom. I need to know that. But I often have students who give me that letter right at the beginning and then never use the accommodation.
Speaker 2:And that's but that's fine. I mean, some really need to but some don't. But they've got that safety net there that if they decide at the last minute wow, now that I've heard about what her tests were like, I really want to use the extended time. If they haven't had that in place, then it may not happen in time for the test, so that's really a good idea.
Speaker 3:So for the show notes, I have two blog posts that I will send to you. One of them is to give you talking points to try to talk to your student about registering with our office, and the other speaks directly to them, and a lot of what's in there reflects what the research tells us about why students don't register. Really.
Speaker 2:We're going to have so much information in our show notes for this episode, which is good.
Speaker 2:Listen to it and then go and follow up with what you need. Well, it wouldn't be the College Parents Central podcast if we didn't talk about books. So I have one thing to say about textbooks, and then I know, elizabeth, you had a couple of books that you wanted to mention, one of which is one of my new favorites. But the one thing I wanted to say is, for most students, at many places you can find out now what your textbooks are going to be.
Speaker 2:Go if the bookstore has a website or part of the portal and you go there often if you just type in the course name or the course number or something, it will tell you what the books are, and I think there are some federal regulations around that. Now I know they're asking us as professors very early to give them that information so students can get it. So it's worth checking out. And then you might just want to wait till you get to campus and do the old fashioned way. You go to the bookstore and you get an armful of the books you need and you've got them. But often you can order them at the bookstore and they will have them all packaged up and waiting for you which is really nice.
Speaker 2:Or you can find out what the books are and you order them online, and sometimes you can get them cheaper online. Sometimes you can get them used online. But if you're going to do that, now is the time to do it, because if you wait until the semester begins and you try to order them online, you may be two or three weeks into the semester before you get your books and I don't know what other people do, but by the first week I'm assigning a chapter.
Speaker 2:So think about if you can get that information, try to track it down and order the books, and then, while you're ordering, there's some good ones to get.
Speaker 3:Yes, but before we get to that and the disability angle, if you are a student, if your student is going to ask for, for instance, e-copies of hardcover books A they need to be registered with our office and, b that should happen soon, because if there isn't an e-book available, the publisher didn't create one. We can create a PDF that is accessible to text-to-speech software using special software. It has to be scanned, and those are things that cannot happen in a day for your student to have their book. So these kinds of things are important to think about.
Speaker 2:It's so nice to have that technology now. Many, many, many years ago, one of the things I did when I had kids home and I was home with the kids for the college they would bring me a textbook and a box of cassette tapes and when my kids were napping or after they went to bed at night, I would sit with the textbook and read the book into it and take a box of cassettes back and it would go to the students. So the technology is wonderful now.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And that dates me, doesn't it?
Speaker 3:I mean, I remember for recordings for the blind and dyslexic, I have seen students with the yellow cassette players. So, speaking of books, there's some stuff to help you prepare and to help your student prepare, and all of these folks have been guests on the podcast so you can listen to them talk. But I recommend their books. So, first and foremost, the King of College Advice, harlan Cohen, author of the Naked Roommate, appropriately so, and it's something like 107 tips. It's a great book for your student to read. He normalizes a lot of things and makes them think about situations that probably aren't at their radar. There's a version just for parents If your student is not a reader or you are not a reader. He is online on Instagram and TikTok, primarily with video tips. He also has an online course for coaching for students, and I think there's coaching for parents as well. So those are some things to think about. Also, test anxiety no more by Dr Bianca Bush, and we did an episode with her too.
Speaker 3:Even if your student doesn't have test anxiety currently doesn't mean that they will, but just the strategies in there for trying to relax and she's got some good study strategies in there and that's worth it. And this one I know has an audio book. I double checked. I don't know if Harlan's does and I'm not going to clickety clack while we're talking to see Speaking of study strategies. Outsmart your Brain by Dan Willingham is we have got to get him on here.
Speaker 3:It's my favorite, oh my gosh. It's all about how to study in college and it's all practical. It's broken into really digestible chunks. He's a professor of psychology and it is all based on the research, and so that is one they really should read ahead of time or listen to.
Speaker 3:There's an audio book for that and, rounding the corner, our friend Jill Grimes, who we've also interviewed the ultimate, truly ultimate college health handbook, and that is one where I would recommend having a copy at home that you keep and one that you send to school and they, you know, there's some chapters you might want to have them look at now. There's all sorts of stuff about substances and drinking and some really important you know things for students transitioning to college, and then there's this sort of like when do you know if you should go to the health center? And so, in case your student is quite ill and not really capable of looking through her book, you want to have a copy at home to make sure that you can look this stuff up and tell them whether it's bad enough, you know, or that you don't know what that rash looks like. Perhaps they should go.
Speaker 2:And Jill's book is not one that a student is going to sit down and read, Right right, but it is so important just to have to. Okay, now, I need to grab it off the shelf when the time comes. It's so good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think, but there are some chapters in there that might be worth reading in advance. You know, and I was just listening she was just on Harlan's podcast talking about you know how sometimes one person in a social group ends up being the caretaker of everybody else, and so those are discussions that you might want to have with your student, and we've had Jill Jill's been on the podcast, I think twice.
Speaker 2:Well, she's got interesting things, so you know there are all these places to get this information.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I want to just whip through a couple more, because you know we can just keep going and going, and going here, this is a good time, if you have younger siblings at home, to get them involved in the send-off so that they feel involved in this process, and I can link to one of the articles on the College Parent Central website and I think we even talked about it in a podcast episode. But it can be hard on those younger siblings when somebody goes away, so it would be good to work them into the process. And then it's also a good time to just go back and review everything that's come over the summer. There's this flood of information that students get emails from the college and parents get emails from the college, but mostly students. So you know, it's really good to say have we missed anything? Let me go back and just sort of review all of that and whether your student as you're reviewing whether the student has done sometimes there are required tutorials that they need to do over the summer.
Speaker 2:There's often one on alcohol Alcohol EDU is a common one. There's often one on alcohol Alcohol EDU is a common one. Sometimes there's a tutorial on academic integrity that they're required to do over the summer, and there may be other things as well, and I remember one of my daughters then it was two in the morning, the night before we left to take her to college and she was there working through this because she suddenly realized she wasn't allowed to check into her room until she had done this. So you know, finding out early whether there are some of those. There's just so much information. There's health information too.
Speaker 3:Yes. So speaking of health, and again this is sort of a disability services angle and the reason your student needs to register is like they're choosing their meal plan and at a lot of schools freshmen are required to have a certain level of meal plan. But be aware that colleges are set up, you know, dining services to accommodate a bunch of different needs based on health conditions. But you want to register with the disability services office. Your student might be able to talk to the nutritionist at the school and, you know, make sure that their needs can be met. Again, the housing stuff is a really big deal right now, but you know there may be some other considerations that your student needs, like I said, the books in advance. So don't wait on that stuff and look now. You can find, even if your student wants to wait, you can look at the disability documentation requirements. Make sure that you're sending them with, you know, an electronic copy of whatever they need to register with us.
Speaker 2:And you know, it occurs to me as you talk through everything we've talked about so often, as you're saying, well, for disabilities, for students with disabilities, but so much of that applies to everybody. So, you know, I hope parents don't tune out when they hear that, because I mean, I've been saying this for years as we talk about things that, oh yeah, but that applies to everyone. Or, oh yeah, I see that with all my students or whatever. The other thing about health forms is seeing what forms they need to do, what forms do they need to take, and thinking about a health care proxy and thinking about HIPAA release forms, so that when you know when your student is 18, they're considered an adult and if something happens and they're incapacitated for some reason they've been in an accident or whatever you need to have a power of attorney or HIPAA release or something to be able to get information and and do that. There's a great website, um, called mama bear legal forms and uh, I know, I know Joe Grimes has talked about it too Um, so I'll list that in the show notes, um, and it's a great place to go and see what the forms are. There are templates there and things to really talk to your student and think about you know what health forms and also, if they haven't had their physical, now's the time, because they need to have a physical, usually before they go. So there's all of that. This is a last chance for any you know real basic life skills that your student might need.
Speaker 2:Do they know how to do laundry? I remember asking a class one time it was all freshmen and this was near the end of the year and you know what was the hardest thing, what was the hardest transition? And, honest to goodness, I think a third of the class raised their hand and said learning how to do laundry, and it wasn't just the guys. When I went away to college, my college roommate had to teach me how to do laundry with the washing machine because it was different than what we had at home. So you know just what do they do? Do they do they know, have the information they need about health insurance? Do they have a health insurance card? Do they know how to, if they take medications? Do they know how to renew a prescription? Just all of those basic things. What are the things that matter?
Speaker 3:And Vicki, you know, make sure you know if you're thinking that the college health center is going to refill your students' prescriptions. That may not be something that they do, so you need to look at that now. And as I'm thinking, we talked about sources of support. The counseling office may only often they only will see a student for a certain length of time and then refer them off campus, which means you have to find a therapist and pay for that, and also their frequency with which they can meet with students per week may be limited. So if you have a student you already know has a mental health condition, find out whether whoever is serving them right now can do that across state lines. Has, you know, the right licensing to do it. On zoom, the continuity of care piece is really important. So those these are discussions. I should have put that in. They do that right now. All right, this is the do with it right now.
Speaker 2:So so you got kind of a long list. Yeah, Sorry no not you, I'm not you, I'm talking to parents, we have created for you all this.
Speaker 2:but hopefully you are listening to this and saying, yes, oh good, yes, I've done that, yes, I've done that. And then there may be a couple of things I would say, you know, sort of bottom line, and then there are just a couple of quick other category things. But this is the time in the last couple of weeks that, before you take your student, to focus on the positive, to focus on the excitement, to help them get really excited about what's coming and not nervous Nerves are natural, but this is the time to really you've got this, you can do it. Oh, it's going to be this wonderful thing that's ahead, and really make sure, yes, we've got to get these things done, but it's going to be good, it's going to be great in doing that. So there are two other quick categories that I think we can do in just a couple of minutes that we might want to think about, and the first I'd like to mention is what if your student is not going away to college but is going to be living at home?
Speaker 2:And you know, except for some of the housing and the food stuff and all everything we've talked about still applies, but there are a couple of other kind of special circumstances, and one would be if they're going to be living at home, really talking about how things might be different. You know, it's not Elizabeth you mentioned earlier. It's not 13th grade, so you're going to be a college student now, not a high school student. Yes, the academics are going to be different, but are we, is the dynamic at home going to be a little different? Am I still going to, or, you know, are you still going to have a curfew? If you had a curfew, are you, you know? Are you going to use the family car? Do you have your own car? What are the limitations and what's going to help your student really feel as though something is different? It sounds silly, but one thing might be do they want to redecorate their room to really feel as though.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's a fresh start, it's something new. If you have a big family and they're living at home, do they have a separate quiet space to study? Or are they going to go to the library every day to study because there's too much commotion in a home? Just really thinking about how it might be different? And if they're commuting which obviously it would be if they're living home how are they going to commute? Are they commuting by public transportation? Are they going to drive? I would suggest this is a good time to do a couple of practice runs and find out how long it takes, find out where they need to park if they're driving, can they get a parking permit now and not wait until September to just make it, you know, make it feel a little different and that they feel comfortable in how it's going to work. So they're not adding that at the beginning, in September? And then, elizabeth, you had a couple of thoughts for returning not freshmen, but returning students coming back.
Speaker 3:So for parents, who might already have done a send off but are listening to this anyway, if your student was given temporary accommodations through the Disability Services Office, now is the time to make sure that.
Speaker 3:I mean, it was probably a few months ago, to be honest, but never. It's a good time now to figure out what they the reason they were given temporary, what the school expected them to go, get as far as documentation and try to reserve that now you know. And if your student is returning from a leave and there are lots of different reasons why, but sometimes it's because they were not doing well, perhaps their mental health was really suffering or they just weren't up to the task at the time and they left mid-semester or took a year off or whatever. Talking to them about how they see this year going, you know what lessons they may have learned from their experience and obviously, with mental health that's not really relevant, but if they got to a point of crisis, you know how will they avoid that this time. And for students who ran into academic trouble, you know what is their plan for making sure that that does not happen another time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really important. And if they're just coming back for sophomore year, you know they had an okay first year and now they're moving into sophomore year. There is a thing called sophomore slump. Oh yeah, um, you know we have a I think we did a podcast and I know there are a couple of articles on the website. I'll link to those in the show notes. A long list in the show notes, um, but it's worth a conversation of what to expect.
Speaker 2:Sophomore year is very different from first year and if students aren't prepared for some of the differences, it can really take them by surprise. So yeah, long, long, long, long list of things that are going to be in the show notes, of ways to follow up and dig a little deeper and included in that we'll link to. I want to mention two things, and then I want Elizabeth to mention a little more about her book and some great tools that you have on your website. So there is an e-book on College Parents Central. It was new this spring, brand new ebook on the summer before college and it's a survival guide for parents and it was intended, you know, for parents to start in June and think about what do you do as you go through the summer.
Speaker 2:but it's not too late to kind of look at that and see, you know, okay, I'm right on that target and and here's what I need to do. And then it also has a sort of little bonus section at the end about you know, once you've dropped them off, some things to think about. So, um, the summer before college ebook is one thing, and then, if you have that first year student, we have an email series that you can register your student for for the fall, called first term. Students get an email once a week through the 15 weeks of the semester of some things to think about at that point, because we dump all of this information on them in the summer and they get orientation and they get stuff and then they come in the beginning, in the first six weeks and then by the middle of the semester they don't remember any of it.
Speaker 2:So some comes along. So those are two things that we'll link to in the show notes and your book, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3:Thank you, and I mean Vicki's got so much good stuff and you know she and she and we both do Thank you, but I joined this podcast after being a fan for a long time, so that's why I'm here, and so if you want to know more about the preparation for a smooth college transition, my book is called Seven Steps to College Success A Pathway for Students with Disabilities.
Speaker 3:It talks about the changes in the disability law, and those are really important to consider as your student moves their way through high school, because a lot of the supports that they may be accustomed to will not be there, which is why we talk about self-advocacy and self-determination and all of those things. But, as often happens, even if you don't have a student with a disability, you might want to see if your library has the book and go check out the sections on step three, and steps three and four are about expectations for students you know academically at college and also the self-management expectations and some suggestions for how to get them used to those things, and so I think that that section is relevant for all students. So see if your library has it, order it.
Speaker 2:So much of what you talk about is relevant for all students. I think so, yeah, thanks. And then you have all kinds of free tools for students too.
Speaker 3:So you know I mean, listen, dan Willingham is the expert, but I meet one-on-one with students through my job and so any tools that I use with them are available for free. If you go to the free resources, I think, section of my website and just pull down, you'll see college student tools, my tools for time management, strategies for reading effectively, strategies for test preparation, some goal setting for students who are kind of on track but just like to be a little bit more proactive about thinking about how last week went, what they want to do differently next week. You know what think about what's working well, sort of a metacognitive exercise. It's all available for free on my website. It's ldadvisorycom and that'll be in the show notes.
Speaker 2:Oh, you bet. So I think, when we thought about this episode, we thought well, this will reassure parents, this is what not to bother with and this is what you still should do, and it feels as though we have just dumped an awful lot of stuff. But pick what works, be selective. Don't get crazy over the next couple of weeks. It's not as though your student is headed to college and you are not going to see or talk to them again for a whole year. Things can be spread out. Take it easy, relax and spend some time together, but not too much.
Speaker 2:Talk about things, but not too much, and just do it all perfectly, yeah yeah yeah, yeah, and know that there is no such thing as a perfect way to do it and anything you do will help your student and it's a wonderful, exciting adventure. And you are not done. Don't let anybody tell you that, okay, you're sending your school to college. You're done Because it's different. Parenting is different once you have a student in college, but you have a hugely important role as coach, kind of on the sidelines, and they'll still need you, don't worry. Thanks for spending time with us, thanks for listening and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 3:We'll see you next time. Thanks, vicki, bye-bye.