College Parent Central Podcast

#136 Summer Reads Season 6

• Vicki Nelson and Lynn Abrahams • Season 6 • Episode 136

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Searching for meaningful summer reading that might transform your relationship with your college student? Look no further than this curated collection of parent-focused book recommendations from higher education professionals Vicki Nelson and Lynn Abrahams.

The hosts dive deep into six powerful books that address crucial aspects of the college parenting journey. "Sleep Deprived Teen" reveals the shocking impact of sleep deprivation on everything from academic performance to athletic abilities, with teens biologically requiring 8-10 hours of sleep yet averaging only 6-7 hours nightly. Meanwhile, "How to Raise a Citizen" fills the critical gap left by diminishing civics education in schools, providing parents with accessible tools to teach citizenship regardless of their own political knowledge.

For families with athletes, "Raising Empowered Athletes" offers a refreshing perspective focused on developing resilience rather than just athletic achievement. The standout chapter on "The Mindset Toolbox" introduces the five C's of building grit that benefit both young athletes and their parents. "Is This Autism?" takes a groundbreaking approach by incorporating the voices of autistic individuals as experts, shifting away from deficit-focused models toward understanding neurodiversity as a natural variation in human experience.

Parents dreading the college admissions process will find solace in "The Truth About College Admission," which uniquely focuses on preserving family relationships throughout the journey rather than just "getting in." Starting with the fundamental question "Why are you going to college?", the book provides practical exercises and conversation starters that strengthen family bonds during this potentially stressful time. Finally, Brené Brown's "Braving the Wilderness" explores authenticity and belonging, offering profound wisdom about self-worth applicable to both parents and students navigating the college transition.

Whether you're just beginning the college journey or supporting a current student, these thoughtfully selected books provide invaluable insights for strengthening your parent-student relationship while navigating the complexities of higher education. Which one will you read first?

Thank you for listening!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast. Whether your child is just beginning the college admission process or is already in college, this podcast is for you. You'll find food for thought and information about college and about navigating that delicate balance of guidance, involvement and knowing when to get out of the way. Join your hosts, vicki Nelson and Lynn Abrahams, as they share support and a celebration of the amazing experience of having a child in college child in college.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast. This is the podcast where we talk about all sorts of things that have to do with college and with being the parent of someone who is in college, or thinking about college or headed to college or just leaving college, college or headed to college or just leaving college, and we like to talk about it as parents and also as professionals that work in the field of higher education. My name is Vicki Nelson, and I am a professor of communication at a small liberal arts college, and I'm also the parent of three daughters who have gone to college and have finished college, and so I come to this topic with two hats one as a professor who works with students every day, and one as a parent. And I am here, as I so often am, with one of my favorite co-hosts.

Speaker 3:

Oh, that's so nice to hear, vicki. Thank you, hi everyone. My name's Lynn Abrahams and I also am here with those same two hats. I'm a mom of two sons who have been in and out and through and around college, through and around college, and I actually have just retired from a career working with college students who have learning differences. So I've worked pretty closely with families of students and the students, so I come at this from both angles.

Speaker 2:

And we are today going to do what I think is one of our favorite kinds of episodes.

Speaker 2:

We are in season six, so this is the sixth time we've done a podcast on a couple of our favorite books. It's getting to be summer, it's a good time to sit on the beach, maybe with a romance novel, but if you get tired of reading those, or mysteries, maybe you'd like to pick up one of these books. They're great books for parents, for food for thought, and we'll put in the show notes links to the ones we've talked about other years, but we like to give you some idea of some things to maybe think about.

Speaker 1:

New books.

Speaker 2:

We've each picked a couple of our favorites and we'll share a little information about them and maybe you'll be inspired to pick one up. So I'm going to start, and the first book that I wanted to talk about today is called the Sleep Deprived Teen why our teenagers are so tired and how parents and schools can help them thrive and it's by Lisa L Lewis. Sleep deprived teen. I mean, I mean, if you have a teen, you know about sleep-deprived teens. We also had an interview with Lisa Lewis back in episode 119. So if this inspires you to pick up the book, that's great. That's what we want to do. But if you just want to hear a little bit more, you might want to check out episode 119, where we had a chance to talk to Lisa Lewis.

Speaker 2:

But you know and, lynn, you know this, we see this in the classroom every day is students who are just they're tired and they're falling asleep, asleep, or they're just not thinking that clearly as college students.

Speaker 2:

It's true in high school as well that they're just not getting the sleep that they need, and it makes a difference and we've known that.

Speaker 2:

But this book really brought it home to me that it was even much more important than I realized Excuse me, the book talks about one important issue if you have a high school student or middle school student and that is the movement that is looking at start times for high school and middle schools that they say that these early, a lot of these kids have to be at school at 7.30, and that means for some of them they have to be on the bus at 7 or 6.45 or so, and that for teenagers that's just plain too early, not just because it's cutting their sleep short, but their internal clocks are different as teenagers, and so the fact that they want to stay up later and sleep later isn't just because that's the way they are. It's the way they're made, that they need to. They're on a different schedule, and so when I'm when I'm worn out and heading for bed at nine o'clock, teenagers just waking up.

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly, and. And then the the. The problem is that and some of this information is in the book teens up to the age of 18 should be getting 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, and the average is 6 to 7 of what they're getting.

Speaker 2:

So they may look like adults, but their sleep needs are really different than they are for us, and so in the book, lewis spends a little bit of the first part talking about some of the history in the background and why this matters and why it's a problem in terms of school times. But then she also talks about what's preventing students from getting the sleep they need, not just their internal clock, but in terms of their lives. So she talks about the influence of light and dark on sleep and electronic devices, which is huge, and keeping them out of the bedroom. She talks about the role of you know, the importance of role modeling as parents in terms of putting, you know, maybe putting the devices away a little before bedtime, and that sort of thing. And she talks about the links between sleep and mental health, between sleep, lack of sleep and risky behaviors and grades. Um, it was just, it affects so many things. Um, it affects their athletic ability, their grades, graduation rates um students who get less sleep don't graduate at the same rate.

Speaker 2:

Mental health, health for sure, risky behavior, safety things like drowsy driving and accidents. I mean it's huge. One of the things that was interesting in the book if you happen to have an athlete or are talking to athletes because I have talked about this in my classes that she shares a couple of studies where getting more sleep made a huge difference in athletic ability and individuals and as teams, and she's got some statistics in the book that make it clear that that getting enough sleep really gives you a competitive advantage. And one study was with the Stanford basketball team and they did a study where they made asked the athletes to spend 10, you know, we said 8 to 10 hours of sleep is what you should get. So they made the athletes spend 10 hours a night in bed. They didn't have to sleep, but they just had to be in bed for 10 hours.

Speaker 2:

This was, you know, for a little while for this study and first of all, the athletes went from an average of about six and a half to seven hours a night of sleep to eight and a half hours just because they were there in bed and they fell asleep when their body told them to fall asleep. So they started getting more sleep. But then their abilities as an athlete improved. It. It they, they did better on. It was a basketball team, so they did better on free throws. It increased by I think it was nine percent just because they were getting more sleep and, um, their sprint times were faster. I mean just thinking that just getting a little sleep could do that.

Speaker 3:

So I go ahead. I just. I think it impacts your brain as well, and if you know our students are in a classroom and they're well rested, then they're open to you know what's coming at them, yeah, and you know I'm not surprised about that in terms of grades and academics, but the fact that the athletics.

Speaker 2:

So I you know, I kind of include that just because I, for me, that was an eye-opener and um, and so she really she talks about that in the book. And then the last third of the book is all strategies for how to help your teen get more sleep. What are the things you can do. So it's not just a bunch of studies and it's not just talking about it. But okay, if you buy into this, if you understand this, then the last part of the book is all about how to do it, about how to do it. I found it really fascinating and it would be really helpful to talk about some of these things with your student to help your student understand why sleep is so important. So it's a great book. Sleep Deprived Teen why Our Teenagers Are so Tired and how Parents and Schools Can Help them Thrive. By Lisa Lewis. I highly recommend it. Great your turn teenagers are so tired and how parents and schools can help them thrive. By lisa lewis. I highly recommend it great.

Speaker 3:

Your turn, my turn, um. So my first book is called how to raise a citizen and why it's up to you to do it. It's by lindsey cormack, and we also had the honor of interviewing her last I think it was November-ish episode 123.

Speaker 3:

Lindsay is an associate professor of political science at Stevens Institute of Technology and she has her doctorate in government from New York University, and when we talked to her first of all, she was so engaging. She's passionate about the importance of this topic and the topic is teaching our kids how to be a citizen, how to Be a Citizen. She talks about why our high schools are no longer the key place for civic education that they used to be, and so you wonder who's teaching this stuff to our kids? You wonder who's teaching this stuff to our kids. She does a lot of talking about how parents can play a role, a really important role, in learning together with their kids. I know for me, you know, government is not. You know, a topic that I know a ton about. I know about elections and that's pretty much it. But my kids actually both of them are a little bit interested in this.

Speaker 3:

And so there were lots of conversations about you know, about government and how it works and how it affects our lives, but I think in general that's not something we talk about with our kids it's not, and and I think sometimes, sometimes it's because we don't feel we know enough exactly to talk about it.

Speaker 2:

And and I know you're going to I don't want to steal your thunder and talk about the book but part of the, a big part of the book is where she, she, it's a you know, a little course on on the things and you could, you and your student can, learn the things together.

Speaker 3:

So she goes over the basics in ways that make sense, um, and then she goes over strategies for you to use to talk to your kids yeah, and.

Speaker 2:

And one of the things I liked because I, you know, we talked to her and we've both read the book is it's not a political book, right? It doesn't matter who you support or what you think, it's just you know how to be engaged and how to be a citizen. It's not, it's not telling you you should think this or you should think that, but how does government work? Why does it matter on the local level? Sometimes I think students don't realize how their lives, their daily lives, are impacted by local government and things like that and how to get involved.

Speaker 3:

And she talks about very concrete things like how to register to vote.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 3:

You know really some basic things that are really approachable for all ages. Also, you know she talks about talking to little kids, to middle kids, to adolescents, to young adults. She shares a lot of information about the current state of, you know, our, of American citizenry that's a funny word, citizenry and she talks a little bit about the risks of civic disengagement what happens when people are not involved, what are some of the repercussions there she talks about. She gives a framework for starting up important political discussions and different strategies for all parts of government, from local, state and federal. So the most important thing I would say about this book is that it's very supportive of parenting about this issue. It's very supportive of parents who want to learn together with their kids about this issue. It is an issue that we tend to ignore.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and she does talk too about why the schools aren't doing this as much anymore as they used to. That you know back in the day you took civics and you learned civics in the classroom. But there are lots of reasons and she talks about them in the book why that doesn't happen anymore Exactly, and so the only place students are getting it is if they get it at home or the internet or the internet and they may not be getting correct information Correct information.

Speaker 3:

So much is biased and leans all different directions, so she gives you a map for how to do it in a non-political way.

Speaker 2:

It's really, really a good book and it's never too late, because if you have a college-age student, you just have different kinds of conversations than if you have a middle schooler or even elementary school. And so she's, she's. She sort of talks about the range and um and it, and Parents shouldn't think, oh, my kid's already in college, it's too late for me to try to do any of this. I learned a lot by reading the book.

Speaker 3:

So, if you're interested, look back at our episodes, episode 123, and her name is Lindsay Cormack and the book is how to Raise a Citizen and why it's Up to you to Do it.

Speaker 2:

And we also have a review of the book on the website, so we'll put that. We'll put the link to that, um, both the link to our interview with her and to the review, uh, and you can find out a little bit more and then go out and get the book okay, next one is yours, next one's mine, so so we talked a little bit about athletes earlier and this one is Raising Empowered Athletes a Youth Sports Parenting Guide for Raising Happy, brave and Resilient Kids by Kirsten Jones.

Speaker 2:

And again, I would encourage parents not to think well, I already have a college student, so this you know, I'm past all of this because if you have anyone that's interested in athletics of any kind and it was a great read and it's not about a particular sport, it's really more about raising students to be empowered human beings who just happen to be athletes. It's not about gender, it's not about socioeconomics becoming a professional athlete or a Division One athlete. It's really just kind of a parent friendly book about parenting athletes and the author, kirsten Jones, is a former Division I volleyball athlete from William Mary and she's also a coach and she's also the parent of athletes. So she's sort of wearing a bunch of hats and coming at it and it's not saying do push your child into athletics or don't push your child into athletics, it's just um, it's really just putting athletics a little bit, I want to say, in perspective, um, and so you know, I think the easiest way to sort of describe it is just.

Speaker 2:

Here are some of the section and chapter titles from the book which give you a sense of what kinds of things she talks about. So there's how and when did youth sports get so crazy? Because they really are sometimes a little out of hand now. So she talks about that. There's a chapter that's whose dream is it, you know, really asking parents to think is it who? Who is it that really wants to be the athlete? Pressure versus support? How to find that balance, enjoying the ride, how, how you as a parent and how your athlete can both enjoy the experience is. Is it wise to specialize, you know? Should students focus on one thing? Mental health, a nation in crisis, keeping your kids' bodies, minds and souls healthy, safe and thriving really important topic Appreciating team and coach dynamics. Thinking about, you know, what's it like for coaches and how do coaches work with with students? Push through or pivot, partnering with a coach to help find what's best for your young athlete. So, you know, do you push them through or do you say no, let's either switch to another sport or become a musician or something? And then there is a chapter about recruiting. If you have a student who wants to try to get recruited for college athletes.

Speaker 2:

My favorite, my favorite chapter, though, is called the mindset toolbox, and it's about the importance of building resilience and and not just trying to avoid burnout you know, we talked about kids burning out, but it's it's really more about building resistance. It's the longest chapter in the book, and she says in the book if you only read one chapter, this is the one to read, and she talks about this idea of building resilience, not just for your athlete, but for parents too. So I think it's sort of nice to think about how these things apply to us as well. She gives you some tools to improve your mental outlook and become grittier, and then how to implement them, and just one way that she talks about that.

Speaker 2:

She talks about what she calls the five C's, like ABC, the five C's of growing grit, and she talks about clarity, care that would be self-care contribution, feeling you're giving something, paying it forward, create how to, how to tap into your mind and be creative and capabilities how to how to feel that you're capable of and have skills. Um, so that's a you. It's worth the book for that chapter. It's a great chapter, but if you have anyone who is an athlete, who is younger and looking toward athletics. This is a great book to read and it just gives you lots of food for thought of how to keep it all into perspective, and the earlier you start the better, but it's not too late.

Speaker 3:

That sounds good. I want to read that chapter in particular. I really do.

Speaker 2:

So again, that is Raising Empowered Athletes. A Youth Sports Parenting Guide for Raising Happy, brave and Resilient Kids by Kirsten Jones, and we'll put all these in the show notes.

Speaker 3:

Okay, my second book I'm very excited to talk about. This book is called Is this Autism? It's a guide for clinicians and everyone else. I love that they say everyone else, because that means us as parents and that means all of us is just curious. You know people who are interested in in other people, so I you know I mentioned before that I've worked with students with learning differences and I really am fascinated by our brains and how different each of us are. So this is right down my alley. The book is by Donna Henderson and Sarah Whalen and with help from Jamel White, and it was written fairly recently. It was 2023. I really couldn't put it down. The book is easy to read. It's a mixture of, yes, some research, but also they draw on a hundred different what they call expert contributors, and these are autistic folks, so they are called the experts and they are talking about what it's like for them. So you really get an inside view of how people feel about themselves. Basically.

Speaker 2:

That's really an interesting way to approach it. Yeah, cool.

Speaker 3:

Donna Henderson's a clinical psychologist, um Sarah Wayland, um she's the founder of this um a website called guiding exceptional parents website, and she offers um support and coaching for parents of of kids who have a neurodiversity and it's very affirmative support. It's very positive. There's a companion guide to this book. Same name is this Autism, and this companion is for diagnosing, so this might be more applicable to teachers and professionals in the world.

Speaker 3:

What I like most about this book is that they talk about some of the less obvious presentations of autism. They talk about some of the areas that have not been researched that much. Like girls, A lot of the research has been on boys.

Speaker 3:

They focus on people who learn how to camouflage their traits and despite how much we know about autism, many folks are either misdiagnosed or missed totally because they're very, very good at blending in and working at that. You know, this book is more than just an update on the field. It is a whole shift. It's like a fresh perspective and it reigned true for me in terms of the work that I've done with many different kinds of students.

Speaker 3:

Work in learning, learning, disabilities have sort of shifted from the medical model, which is the model where you're sick, you know, you're not well, you're, you're different, you're different, but in a negative way, um, to more of a well she. They call it the neurodiversity model, but it's basically says that there are biological variants. In other words, it's part of human diversity that there are different brains. One psychiatrist who read this book wrote and I want to read this because it says a lot about the book. He says one phrase struck with me in this book in particular a sense of belonging. This desire to be validated for who we are, no matter how we show up in the world, lies at the deepest core of every human's longing. Henderson and Whelan show us with compassion and inclusivity, not only how to be informed about autistics, but also how to be wise as well.

Speaker 3:

So the book is such a blend of information and it just opened my eyes to so many, many topics. Some of the topics they cover are different kinds of empathy, different types of sensory systems. You know some of the common traits and challenges that are not currently part of the diagnostic criteria. So it's, it's just. It's a really wonderful, wonderful book.

Speaker 2:

It sounds as though it would be a good one for parents, but also just for anyone to understand the people we encounter in the world, in our lives absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

It's a book about human development and if you're curious about how we're all different, it's a book to read yeah great so what's the title again? The title is is this autism? A guide for clinicians and everyone else, and it's by donna henderson and sarah wayland okay, so we'll add that to the show notes too.

Speaker 2:

All right, I have one last one, and then you have one last one.

Speaker 2:

So the last one I wanted to talk about is the truth about college admission a family guide to getting in and staying together by Brennan Barnard and Rick Clark. And barnard and rick clark, who are both um, very involved as a dean and director of admission and and college consultants, um, and they also have a podcast called the truth about college admission. So if people are podcast listeners and we were able to interview them on episode 135, just a recent episode so the Truth About College Admission A Family Guide to Getting In and Staying Together. And what I like best is the part of the subtitle that says Family Guide to getting in and staying together. Because there is so much out there now podcasts and websites and books and consultants about how to get into college, about admissions, that this book. So I tend to be honest, I tend to sort of stay away from that whole admissions thing because there's so much out there and there's not that much that's that's new that I can add.

Speaker 2:

But this book, I think, is different because it focuses on the family.

Speaker 2:

It focuses on how the family as a family unit is going to work their way through the college admission process, the family dynamics as much as getting in. Yes, there's information about college admissions and what to do, but they say in the book that it's about the idea that that family matters and that how you approach conversations and decisions in your family has long term implications. So you know it's about we we are always talking about have a conversation, talk to your student, build that relationship, and that's what this book is about. In the context of college admissions, and they say sometimes there is just too much focus on the getting in part and that this book focuses on staying together through the process, focuses on staying together through the process. A quote from the book they say there's no shortage of how-to books out there that claim to discover the secret to getting into college. The guidebook you now hold, hopefully, is one for the rest of us, parents and students who are intent on putting family first by engaging in real, healthy, balanced conversations.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I love it, yeah it really is a different focus on admission, that the admission process is a family process, not just because you have to live through it when your student is spinning out of control, but because you also are working on it. But you know, the other part of the title is the Truth, the Truth About College Admission, and they also, in this book, work a lot to combat some of the myths that people have, all those people who say they have the key. You know, here's the secret to getting in, the secret to getting in, and they've worked in this field for a long time. So it's a reality check, I think for a lot of people and one of the things that I know you will agree with me that you like the title of the first chapter is why Are you Going to College, which for years we have been saying. The first thing you need to ask your student is why are you going? Why college?

Speaker 2:

If you can't answer that, then maybe you're not ready to go to college. So that's where they start their book. It's the first chapter that, as a family, you need to talk about why is your student going to college? Why do they think, why do you think and do that? And it also contains the book has a ton of resources for parents and exercises to use along the way, things to do. So each chapter ends with a little box that says try this and talk about this, and then there's some bonus activities to do. So it's not just theorizing and telling you, but then there's a okay, here's the conversation you should have as a family if you're going to go through this together. I mentioned that they have a podcast. They also have a workbook that goes along with this, and I'm not sure if that's out yet. That might be just coming out, so you might want to look for that.

Speaker 2:

So it talks about all kinds of talks about finances, how to build a college list, college visits, how to make plans and applications. It talks about deadlines. It talks about college interviews, getting recommendations, admissions decisions, making the choice once you get accepted. But all of those topics with the family focus. How does the family work together at each of those steps along the way. So I think it's a great book about admissions, but with a family focus that I think a lot of families would find very helpful because it's a stressful time. So that's the truth About College Admission A Family Guide to Getting In and Staying Together by Brennan Barnard and Rick Clark Excellent Yep Good book.

Speaker 3:

So my last book is called Braving the Wilderness the Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. It's by Brene Brown. This book was written, I think, around 2017. And I just reread it.

Speaker 3:

And it's an absolute classic, and I see this as more of a general parenting book, but also a book you could share with your kids and have them read at the same time, because the book is really about how do you want to show up in the world and how, um, what you have to go through to get there. Um, dr Brown is a. She's a research professor at the University of Houston. Her general field is social work, but she studies courage and shame and vulnerability and empathy. Those are some of the topics. Her TED Talk, the Power of Vulner, of vulnerability, is one of the top five most viewed Ted talks in the world.

Speaker 2:

It's a great one.

Speaker 3:

And it really is, and it it also shows that she's funny, she's personable, uh, and she's very wise. Um, so the topic of the book really is how you know again, how we're all searching for what she calls true belonging, and the book is, you know, it's really accessible. She starts with her own story, she talks about her research, but she talks about her research like a curious person, not like an academic.

Speaker 3:

Good not like an academic Good. At the time she wrote this book, her son was in middle school and her daughter just left for her first year in college, and I think that informed some of the writing of the book as well. She describes this book as a book to help her own parenting. She wrote it so that she could be a better parent and she had great conversations with her daughter about the topics of the book in the book. So I just want to give one quote from the book.

Speaker 3:

And it gives it gives such a good flavor. Here we go. She says stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don't belong. You will always find it because you've made that your mission. Stop scouring people's faces for evidence that you're not enough. You will always find it because you've made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods. We don't negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against evaluation, especially your own. No one belongs here more than you.

Speaker 3:

It's just a good book about figuring out who you are and sharing these conversations with kids. It's a good start for some good talks, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I think the idea of co-reading a book over the summer, where everybody maybe has a little more time to talk about what you're reading, read a couple of chapters and talk about it, and a book like this might be something that students are willing to read and can get intrigued by and really could prompt some interesting conversations.

Speaker 3:

I love reading books with. My kids Love it and I even read books with my mom when she was you know when it just gave us a place to begin conversations. So, yeah, good, it's a good. So the book is called Braving the Wilderness the Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, by Brene Brown. Yeah, good, it's a good. So the book is called braving the wilderness the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone, by bernie brown okay so lots of good books, lots of good books.

Speaker 2:

Yes, we've given, given you quite a reading list for the summer and we know not every book is going to be right for everyone right um, but it's, it's sort of a variety and um.

Speaker 1:

They've passed muster with us, we think, we think they're they're worthy of a read.

Speaker 2:

Um good, and, and as I said at the beginning, this is the sixth year we've done some summer reads, so in the show notes we're going to put the links to our other episodes with and you could just, you know, read a book a day all summer long with the list.

Speaker 2:

But you know, even even something we talked about five years ago doesn't mean you shouldn't read it now. We've covered a lot of, a lot of great books, so try to pick up one or two and see what it does for you and enjoy some summer reading. So thanks for sticking with us through all six books and we hope that we've intrigued you with a little bit and that you will pick them up and share the information with your student and maybe read together and see what happens. So thanks a lot, and if you know someone else who would value this information, please pass along the podcast to them. That word of mouth is the best advertising we can get. We like to share with as many people as we can. So thanks for sticking with us to the end and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 3:

See you later.